Let me paint you a picture: I’m standing in the middle of the living room, eight months pregnant, trying to convince my toddler to put her pants back on while she’s dramatically yelling "NOOOOOO" and running away like I’m trying to ruin her life. And all I asked was if she wanted strawberries.
Welcome to parenting a toddler. A magical phase where logic doesn’t exist, pants are optional, and you constantly question whether your child has selective hearing or is just really, really committed to chaos.
And yet—I’ve managed (on some days, let’s not go wild) to get her to listen without becoming a shouty mess. How? Trial, error, Google rabbit holes at 2 a.m., and a lot of deep breathing. So let me spare you the extra stress and hand over my hard-earned wisdom.
👩👧 1. Special One-on-One Time (aka Attention Before the Tantrum)
Toddlers crave attention like I crave sleep. Giving them 10-15 minutes a day of full, undivided, no-phone-in-hand attention actually works like magic. I notice a huge difference on days when I give my daughter that time vs. when I’m just running on survival mode.
Even if it's just building a tower out of blocks or letting them "cook" you something imaginary, it tells them: "You matter." And a toddler who feels connected is way more likely to listen than one who feels ignored.
🥳 2. Praise Like You Mean It
When my daughter puts away her toys (after only 47 reminders), I cheer like she just won Olympic gold. Because if I only point out what she’s doing wrong, she has zero motivation to do better.
Say things like:
- "Wow, thank you for helping clean up!"
- "I noticed how gently you gave the toy to your friend. That was so kind."
Yes, it feels a bit exaggerated. But toddlers LOVE it.
🗣️ 3. Be Clear (Because "Behave" Means Nothing to a 2-Year-Old)
Saying "Be good" is about as useful as asking a cat to do your taxes. Be specific:
- "Please put the blocks in the bin."
- "Let’s use quiet voices now."
The more clear you are, the more likely they are to follow. Toddlers aren’t great at decoding vague instructions. Honestly, neither am I before coffee.
😌 4. Calm Consequences (Even When You Want to Scream)
The moment you yell, you’ve lost them. Trust me, I’ve tested this repeatedly.
Instead, calmly say, "If you throw the crayons again, I’ll have to put them away." And actually follow through. Every. Time.
They don’t need a lecture. They just need to learn: action = consequence.
👀 5. Get Eye-Level and Use All the Senses
Sometimes I crouch down, look her in the eye, gently touch her arm, and THEN speak. It’s like entering toddler Wi-Fi range. Suddenly, she hears me.
Screaming instructions from across the room? Yeah… that’s more for your own stress relief. Doesn’t actually get results.
🔁 6. Stop Repeating Yourself (I Know, It’s Hard)
They hear you. They’re just choosing not to respond yet. If you say it 6 times, they learn they don’t have to act until the 6th.
So say it once or twice. Then follow through. It’s hard. But worth it.
🎯 7. Make It a Game
Want them to clean up? Use a timer. Or say, "Can you beat mommy at putting away all the Legos before the song ends?"
Toddlers love fun. They hate lectures. Work with what they like.
🧘♀️ 8. You Gotta Stay Calm When They Don’t
Your calm is contagious. Your chaos is too.
Yes, sometimes I want to yell, slam the door, and cry into a snack bar. But when I breathe and stay calm, things de-escalate faster. They need your nervous system to co-regulate theirs.
So yeah, you’re not just a mom. You’re a toddler emotional support human.
💬 Final Thoughts
Getting your toddler to listen without yelling isn’t about being a perfect gentle parenting Pinterest mom. It’s about building connection, staying consistent, and remembering that this wild, exhausting phase isn’t forever.
And when in doubt—pants are optional, but patience is not.
You’ve got this. 🫶