Dear Wannabe Diary,
This morning, my toddler happily skipped into daycare, waved her tiny hand, and said, “Bye-bye, Mommy!” in the sweetest little voice. It was one of those moments where my heart melted... and then immediately broke a little. I know she loves it there—dancing, singing, playing outside—but sometimes, I really miss those endless days we spent together. Then again, there are days I’m counting down the minutes until drop-off, so honestly, being a mom is basically feeling bipolar 24/7.
Speaking of emotions, today I hit a writing block, so instead, I buried myself in Joe Dispenza’s Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. And let me tell you—every sentence hit like a freight train of self-awareness.
Rewiring My Brain (AKA: Stop Being a Hot Mess)
Joe’s big takeaway? Happiness isn’t something you find out there—it’s something you build from the inside. Mind-blowing, right? Most of us live like happiness is on layaway: When I get the promotion, when I buy the house, when I lose 10 pounds. But let’s be real—those wins are great, but the high doesn’t last.
He talks about how we’re all experts at burying emotions. Life keeps us busy—career, family, building our dream life—so we shove things down, thinking we’ll deal with them later. Except, later never comes. Eventually, life slows down, and guess what’s waiting for us? A heaping pile of unresolved feelings. Cute.
For me, that pile came crashing down last summer when I was on the brink of burnout. Panic attacks, anxiety, full-on breakdowns—I even threw up from the stress once. That was my wake-up call. I realized that if I didn’t change something, I was basically begging for health problems.
So, I took the leap and started therapy. Best decision ever. Expensive? Yes. Worth it? Also yes. Therapy wasn’t just about dealing with anxiety; it became about unpacking old patterns, childhood baggage, and deeply rooted guilt.
Mom Guilt: The Unpaid Intern in My Brain
Here’s the thing: I have a beautiful family, great relationships, a cozy home, food in the fridge, vacations, and enough money for a good life. So why the hell am I not happy every single day? Cue guilt.
But here’s the plot twist: happiness doesn’t just happen because your life looks good on paper. And guilt? Useless. Joe’s book basically screams, “Girl, let it go!” Negative emotions—guilt, shame, unworthiness—they weigh us down. If we want to change our lives, we have to confront them, let them go, and rebuild from scratch.
Breaking the Cycle for My Kids
I grew up watching my mom stress over everything, and guess what? I absorbed it like a sponge. Now, I’m determined to break the cycle. I want my daughters to grow up knowing how to handle emotions, not bury them.
First step? Fixing myself. Therapy helped me realize I’ve been chasing the wrong goals. Building a successful business was my obsession, but now my priority is building a new me. A me who doesn’t react out of anger, guilt, or shame. A me who’s genuinely happy right here, right now.
Manifestation, But Make It Real
Joe’s big point is that when you let go of negativity and build happiness from within, the universe opens up for you. You attract good things effortlessly because you’re finally on the right frequency. And honestly? That’s what I’m working toward.
This isn’t just about me. It’s about my family, my (I hope soon to be) husband, and especially my daughters. If I can figure this out, I can teach them, and they’ll grow up with the tools to live happy, fulfilling lives. No therapy bills required.
What’s Next?
I’m itching to get to the meditation part of the book. Apparently, that’s where the real magic happens—clearing old emotions, rewiring your brain, and imagining the person you want to become. I can’t wait to dive in and start creating this new version of me.
For now, my businesses can wait. I’ve been pushing them uphill for so long, but I know that once I’m in the right mindset, everything will fall into place. And my goal is clear: to reach that inner happiness before baby #2 arrives. Because if I can do that, the rest of life will be chef’s kiss.
Here’s to becoming the happiest version of me, no matter what’s going on around me.
Signing off,