When I Said “No” and the Guilt Hit Me Like a Freight Train

The first time I said "no" to something I didn’t actually want to do—I spiraled.

It was a small thing. Someone asked me to help with something, and I had a toddler hanging off my hip, swollen ankles (hello, third trimester life), and approximately zero bandwidth. So I politely said, "I can’t."

And then? The guilt came. That nasty, whispery little voice: "You’re selfish. You should have helped. You’re a bad friend/daughter/mom/human."

But here’s the thing I’ve been learning—through inner work, therapy, hypno-sessions, and journaling until my pen ran out of ink:

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a whole one.

So let’s talk about how to set boundaries without guilt-tripping yourself into emotional exhaustion. You ready?

🚧 Why Boundaries Matter (Like, a Lot)

• They protect your peace. (And peace is priceless when you haven’t peed alone in three years.)
• They teach your kids how to respect others and themselves.
• They make relationships healthier—not colder.
• They prevent burnout. Because you can’t pour from an empty coffee cup. Especially not when it’s already cold.

😬 Why You Feel Like a Jerk for Having Them

1. You were raised to be a people-pleaser.

If you got praise for being “the good girl,” saying no might feel rebellious—or even dangerous.

2. You’re afraid of conflict.

Because someone might not like it. (Reality: they might not. But if your peace depends on them approving of you, we’ve got deeper stuff to unpack.)

3. You believe love = self-sacrifice.

But love that costs your well-being isn’t love—it’s codependency.

✅ How to Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a Monster)

💬 1. Use Simple, Clear Language

"I can’t help with that right now." "That doesn’t work for me." "I need some time for myself." No need for a 5-minute apology monologue.

💖 2. Start Small

Practice on low-stakes situations first. Like telling your toddler you’re not sharing your chocolate. (Even if they cry like it’s the end of the world.)

🧠 3. Expect Discomfort—Not Doom

Boundaries might feel awkward at first. You’re rewiring your brain. But it gets easier, and eventually? It feels empowering.

📿 4. Pair with Nervous System Work

Regulate the emotions that come up. Deep breathing. EFT tapping. Literally shaking your arms out in the bathroom like a baby giraffe.

✍️ 5. Reaffirm Your Why

Write down what you’re making space for by saying no: rest, creativity, time with your kids, sanity...

Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are a Love Language

You are not mean. You are not broken. You are not failing.

You are just learning to honor your limits. To prioritize your well-being. To show up for others without abandoning yourself.

And that? That’s brave.

Let them call you "too much" or "too distant" or "too whatever."

Let them.

Because you’re finally choosing you.