"Send Help. My Toddler Is Crying Because I Gave Her the Snack She Asked For."

Before I had a toddler, I naively thought tantrums were just kids being dramatic. Then I had a toddler. And suddenly, I found myself in the middle of a full-blown meltdown because I dared to break a banana “wrong” or because I couldn’t “fix” her shadow.

For the longest time, my daughter was the sweetest, most easygoing kid. Then, she started daycare at 18 months, and BOOM—overnight, she discovered the power of screaming to get what she wants. Now? She has strong opinions, a growing sense of independence, and occasionally wants the world to bend to her will. (Relatable, honestly.)

At first, I had no idea how to handle the outbursts. I was still learning to regulate my own emotions, so when I was running on empty, I’d find myself raising my voice, walking away, or just needing a deep breath to avoid losing it. But over time, I’ve learned that tantrums aren’t about me—they’re about her tiny brain trying to process big feelings.

So, if you’re in the trenches of toddler tantrum territory, here’s everything you need to know (including how to not completely lose your mind).

Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums? (Spoiler: They’re Not Just Trying to Ruin Your Day)

Tantrums aren’t about being “bad” or manipulative—they’re literally how toddlers process emotions. Their brains are still under construction, and impulse control? Yeah, that’s not a thing yet.

Here’s why tantrums happen:

🧠 Emotional Overload – Big feelings, tiny coping skills.

🙅 Lack of Control – They want independence but also want you to do everything for them. (Make it make sense.)

🗣️ Limited Communication – They can’t always express what they need, so they go full meltdown mode.

💤 Hunger, Tiredness, Overstimulation – The unholy trinity of toddler meltdowns.

🎭 Testing Boundaries – "What happens if I scream in the grocery store? Let’s find out!"

What to Do in the Middle of a Tantrum (Without Losing Your Sanity)

✔️ Stay Calm (or Fake It Really Well)
Your toddler is watching how you react. If you match their energy, it’s like adding fuel to the fire. (Easier said than done, I know!)

✔️ Acknowledge Their Feelings
Instead of “You’re fine,” try “I see you’re really upset because we had to leave the park.” It won’t magically stop the meltdown, but it helps them feel heard.

✔️ Offer Comfort (If They Want It)
Sometimes a hug works. Sometimes they act like you just tried to poison them with affection. Read the room.

✔️ Don’t Try to Reason With Them Mid-Tantrum
Logic and explanations? Yeah, their brain isn’t there right now. Keep it simple: “I hear you. You’re mad. I’m here.”

✔️ Give Choices (When Possible)
Toddlers love control. “Do you want the blue cup or the red cup?” feels like a power move to them.

✔️ Ignore the Small Power Struggles
Sometimes, they just want a reaction. If it’s not dangerous or harmful, let them have their dramatic moment.

What NOT to Do During a Tantrum (Because We’ve All Been There)

❌ Don’t Take It Personally – It’s about their emotions, not your parenting.

❌ Don’t Bribe or Give In – If they learn that screaming gets them the cookie, guess what? More screaming.

❌ Don’t Yell Back – (But also, you’re human. If you lose it, just repair afterward.)

Preventing Future Tantrums (Because Yes, You Can Actually Reduce Them!)

💡 Predict the Triggers – Hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Toddler meltdowns are often just bad timing.

💡 Give Them Warnings – “We’re leaving in 5 minutes” works better than a sudden “Okay, let’s go!”

💡 Set Routines – Toddlers thrive on knowing what’s coming next.

💡 Teach Simple Emotional Coping Skills – Phrases like “Take a deep breath” and “Let’s shake the grumpy out” can work wonders.

💡 Model Emotional Regulation – If they see you handling stress calmly, they’ll learn to do the same. (Eventually. In like 10 years.)

Final Thoughts

Tantrums aren’t a sign of bad parenting—they’re just a part of toddler life. Your job isn’t to stop them but to help your toddler work through them.

And if you occasionally need to lock yourself in the bathroom for a deep breath first? Same, mom. Same.

💬 What’s the funniest or most ridiculous tantrum your toddler has had? Drop it in the comments!