Infertility isn’t just a medical condition—it’s an emotional rollercoaster that consumes your life. I know this because my partner and I spent five years on the TTC journey, hoping, waiting, and wondering if we’d ever get our baby.

Every negative test felt like a punch to the gut. Every cycle of hope followed by disappointment chipped away at us. And on top of it all, the well-meaning but painfully unhelpful comments from others made everything worse.

• “Just relax! It’ll happen when you stop trying.” (Oh, really? Should I also stop breathing and see what happens?)
• “At least you can sleep in and travel.” (Because obviously, that’s a fair trade-off for infertility.)
• “You can always adopt!” (Adoption is beautiful, but it’s not a ‘backup plan.’)

After five years of heartbreak, hormone injections, and way too many doctor visits, we finally got our miracle baby through IVF. But I’ll never forget how isolating and frustrating those years were—especially when people didn’t know what to say.

So, if you have a friend, sister, co-worker, or anyone in your life going through infertility, here’s what you need to know: what NOT to say, and what you should say instead.

🚫 1. "Just Relax! It’ll Happen When You Stop Thinking About It."

✅ Instead, say: “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”

Why? Infertility is medical, not just mental. Stress doesn’t magically block pregnancy, and this advice can feel like blaming the person for their struggles.

🚫 2. "Have You Tried [Insert Random Advice]?"

✅ Instead, say: “I trust that you’re doing everything you can. I hope you get good news soon.”

Why? TTC people have already Googled EVERYTHING. If there was a magic cure, they’d know.

🚫 3. "Maybe It’s Just Not Meant to Be."

✅ Instead, say: “I’m thinking of you and sending so much love.”

Why? Saying this invalidates their struggle. No one wants to hear that their dream might just not happen.

🚫 4. "You Can Always Adopt!"

✅ Instead, say: “I support you no matter what path you take.”

Why? Adoption is a deeply personal choice, not a ‘backup plan.’ And suggesting it can feel dismissive.

🚫 5. "At Least You Can Sleep In and Travel!"

✅ Instead, say: “This must be so tough. I’m here if you ever need to vent.”

Why? Infertility is grief. Comparing struggles doesn’t help.

🚫 6. "Stop Stressing, and It’ll Happen!"

✅ Instead, say: “I can’t imagine how hard this is. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

Why? Again, infertility isn’t just stress-related, and this comment puts pressure on them to ‘relax’—which doesn’t help.

🚫 7. "My Friend Got Pregnant After Doing XYZ—You Should Try It!"

✅ Instead, say: “I hope you get the good news you’re hoping for soon.”

Why? Every fertility journey is different. What worked for someone else might not work for them.

🚫 8. "It'll Happen When You Stop Trying."

✅ Instead, say: “I see how much this means to you. I’m rooting for you.”

Why? This makes it sound like effort is the problem, when in reality, most TTC journeys require medical help.

🚫 9. "Be Grateful for What You Already Have."

✅ Instead, say: “It’s okay to feel sad. Your feelings are valid.”

Why? Wanting another child doesn’t mean they aren’t grateful for what they have. This just adds guilt on top of grief.

🚫 10. "You’re Still Young, You Have Time!"

✅ Instead, say: “No matter how long it takes, I hope you get your happy ending.”

Why? Time doesn’t always equal fertility. This comment can feel dismissive, especially for those struggling with age-related infertility.

Conclusion: Be Kind, Be Supportive, and Just Listen

Infertility is lonely, painful, and unpredictable. The best thing you can do? Listen. Be there. Offer support instead of advice.

💬 What’s the most frustrating thing someone has said to you while TTC? Let’s vent together. 😂👇

📌 Need more TTC and infertility support? Subscribe to my newsletter for more real, honest conversations.